i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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