I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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