No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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