Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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