Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
is that a dick in a sweater?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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