I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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