Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
