At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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