This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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