yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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