Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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