I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
