maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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