Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
