Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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