I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
