I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
