I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
