Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
they need to just BURY HIM!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm passing your future prison.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
