my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
