And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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