I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
