no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
