I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
