what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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