My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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