i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
