how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
