she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
