Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
