I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
