I think my vagina is haunted
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
