very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
