it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
