Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
