I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
a search helicopter?!
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
