The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
