New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
