I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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