We named our party play list daddy issues
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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