To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
