Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
