This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Dignity is for republicans.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I supernannyed him into submission
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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