you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize