I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
