Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
