my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
