I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
