So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
