mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize