If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
