Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
