A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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