Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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