where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
