Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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