Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
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