my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
