i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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