Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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