Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
