you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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