I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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