awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
