I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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