how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
