it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
