Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
