Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
