I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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