Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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