tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
This is the high leading the old right now
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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