Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
