can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
